My mother's ghost

"In 1962, at the age of fourteen, Fergus Bordewich's life was shattered when his mother attempted to jump off a runaway horse and fell under the galloping hooves of the horse he was riding. Crouching beside her in a gathering pool of blood, he fought his mounting fear, convincing himself that she would be fine. But an hour later, in the hospital waiting room, he and his father listened in shock as the doctor told them that she was dead on arrival. At that moment, he thought to himself, I've killed my mother.". "So begins My Mother's Ghost, Fergus M. Bordewich's attempt to come to terms with the catastrophic effects of his mother's death. For all practical purposes, his childhood was over. His mother, a tough and fiercely independent woman far ahead of her times, had been the dominant figure not just in his family, but, as the executive director of the Association on American Indian Affairs, a confidant of senators, congressmen, and tribal leaders. And Fergus had been the son she doted on. Her death destroyed what was left of his family, and sent him into a downward spiral of guilt and despair, as his father retreated further into alcoholism and silence. By the age of twenty-seven, Bordewich himself was close to suicide." "More than thirty years later, and by now a father himself, he began a search for the real woman behind his mother's ghost."--BOOK JACKET.